Stronger Not Better

hello humans,

As per the usual, it has been a while since my last update. I really would encourage you to follow my Instagram and YouTube channel because I post on those platforms often with updates and what not. I wanted to address some things that I have been experiencing the past few months. First off, I am in a much different place than I was this time last year, regarding both the city I live in and my physical health. This time last year I could barely stand up. I was learning things about my body that I did not want to know. I was learning it had limitations I did not like. I was completely reliant on my arm crutches and my wheelchair, I rarely left my room because stairs were so incredibly hard for my body tackle. I felt like I was falling apart. And I was.

Now, I live in a one-floor apartment in Athens with my lovely twin sister, but I am not better. I am happy to say that though I do not rely on my crutches or wheelchair to do simple things like making breakfast anymore sinc…


So, I'm sure a lot of you have heard of the #100happyday tag thing. And while I absolutely love that hashtag and everything it stands for its just not right for me. With that being said I've decided to start the #100InvisibleDays tag to raise awareness for invisible illnesses that myself and many others deal with every day. It's impossible to be able to spot a disability or a chronic illness because most of the time they really are invisible. So, for the next 100 days, I will try to post every day to spread awareness for what chronic illness and disability really looks like. Today, it looks like a migraine in bed with the lights off. I was having a great morning minus the fact that my hashbrowns caught fire, and then bam- a migraine for the rest of the day. I can barely keep my eyes open it hurts so bad. I talk a lot about what I deal with but not nearly enough. Some may say that social media isn't a diary for me to spill my thoughts, and they're right. This isn…

Answer The Call

To this end also we pray for you always, that our God will count you worthy of your calling, and fulfill every desire for goodness and the work of faith with power. 2 Thessalonians 1:11 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I'm not even going to go into detail about how the last two weeks of my life have been like but I can guarantee you they have been busy. My apartment flooded and we're trying to figure out where to live until it get's rebuilt (yes, I did write rebuilt, it's that bad), and I've got midterms as well as car troubles. That's all you get though because that's not what this post is about. 
It seems like there are about a hundred natural disasters that have happened in the past month and it seems like they just keep coming and coming. Yet, here I am stuck and unable to help. I care so little about how my situations turn out right now because all I want to do is fly to Houston, …

Take It Off

"Come to me all who are weary and burdened, and rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in your hearts, and you will find rest for your souls." Matt. 11:28-30
"Man does not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God." Matt. 4:4

Struggling is one of my least favorite things in the world. It's a daily thing that is reflected in my mood and my posts for sure.
 But it's hard to think straight when your brain is quite literally trying to tell you to remove your legs from your body because it doesn't realize that they're your legs. It's hard feeling to describe and I've spent the past two years of my life trying to concoct the perfect description for doctors and friends. It's something along the lines of a hot, tingly, melting feeling accompanied by occasional temporary…

Not Alone

God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Psalm 46:1

It's been a 'hurry up and wait' situation with these doctors. With all the phones calls, emails, college finals and blood works I'm trying to manage and keep up with I tend to get in a very Me Mentality. I'm calling about me. I'm doing this for me. Please stop putting me on hold for 3 hours. (not even kidding with that last one) I forget that these offices help a bunch of people going through a lot of stuff on a very regular basis.
I was speaking with a friend from high school the other day. We honestly hadn't talked since junior year but got reconnected through the ever accessible internet. He's a marine, I'm in college. He's in Japan, I'm sitting on my bed. Yet, while we catch up on things I come to find out that his mom is not doing so great. We contin…

On the Winning Side

"The Lord will fight for you, you only have to be still." Exodus 14:14 --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I write today bringing more worldly bad news, but also eternal good news. 
Recently I have had little to no fight left in me. I feel like fighting off pain and symptoms is easier when you don't have a diagnosis because you have that hope of a cure, the idea that if you appear less than okay your doctors will thin you're over exaggerating, the desire to keep pushing for answers.  Once you have a diagnosis, especially one like mine, it becomes harder. I thought it would be easier because I'd be able to push and fight while receiving treatment that could help me push and fight. When you have chronic illness you're conditioned to present your symptoms to your care team like a to-do list rather than a list of things that are pulling your body apart. You're supposed to have it all tog…

This Wasn't in the Brochure

We can each define ambition and progress for ourselves. The goal is to work toward a world where expectations are not set by the stereotypes that hold us back, but by our personal passion, talents and interests. 
-Sheryl Sandberg

I didn't sign up for this. Who would?
I think I've sat down about four different times now desperately trying to find the right words to say, to somehow come up with a metaphor or simile appropriate for how I'm feeling right now. 
Long story short: I's not good.

Since my last post things have been getting worse. I'm not going to go into detail because this is a public platform and I do want to retain some sort of privacy on here, but I also want to be open with everyone. Nobody talks about these things. You've read my triumphant perseverance and my unwavering faithfulness, but, my friend, the world is not all like that. 
I deeply wish when people asked, "How are yo…