Not Alone

God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.
Psalm 46:1


It's been a 'hurry up and wait' situation with these doctors. With all the phones calls, emails, college finals and blood works I'm trying to manage and keep up with I tend to get in a very Me Mentality. I'm calling about me. I'm doing this for me. Please stop putting me on hold for 3 hours. (not even kidding with that last one)
I forget that these offices help a bunch of people going through a lot of stuff on a very regular basis.

I was speaking with a friend from high school the other day. We honestly hadn't talked since junior year but got reconnected through the ever accessible internet. He's a marine, I'm in college. He's in Japan, I'm sitting on my bed. Yet, while we catch up on things I come to find out that his mom is not doing so great. We continue talking about it and he sends me the words:

"we just want to at least find a diagnosis so we can start a treatment or something."

I started crying. The number of times I had spoken those words in the past two years is overwhelming, and seeing them in front of me in regards to another human being broke me. 

The fight I'm in is not just me. I'm not alone in this mess and I never have been. I'm sitting here praying for a woman I have never met because I cannot stand to see someone have to go through what I've been through. It pains me in the deepest parts of my heart; a feeling I will never be able to actually explain. 

This fight is everyone. This is every single person out there going to the ends of the earth to find a diagnosis. It's about finding a doctor that believes you. It's about not giving up even though it seems like it would be so much easier to do that. It's about not forgetting that others are going through all of this while we go through our mess. It's about praying for them while we pray for us. The number of people I have met who had to fight so hard to get diagnosed, who had to suffer so long before finding answers infuriates me. 
But I know this-
God meets every person in their darkest hour, in the deepest pit, in the loneliest times of our lives and reminds us that He is the answer to everything. He is our refuge. He is the only one I would go to asking for help because He is the only one that can give it.
We can't expect Him to snap His fingers and make it all okay as soon as we ask Him. He has His perfect plan to build us and strengthen us even if it means breaking us a little in the process. Through everything He teaches us to somehow glorify Him in it. Thank him for the pain, thank Him for the random re-connections with friends. Everything happens for a reason and this was to remind me how utterly not alone I am. How people I don't even know are going through the same stuff, but how God is still right there with them like He is sitting next to me. 

So, I urge you to seek your answers not in the world but in the one who made the world. 
Pray for those you don't know because they may have no one to pray for them.
Hurt, but know there will be relief.
Search and know that you will find.
Ask and know there will be an answer.
Be thankful in pain.
Rejoice in the hardest moments.
Rest in God. 



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