Stronger Not Better

hello humans,

As per the usual, it has been a while since my last update. I really would encourage you to follow my Instagram and YouTube channel because I post on those platforms often with updates and what not. I wanted to address some things that I have been experiencing the past few months. First off, I am in a much different place than I was this time last year, regarding both the city I live in and my physical health. This time last year I could barely stand up. I was learning things about my body that I did not want to know. I was learning it had limitations I did not like. I was completely reliant on my arm crutches and my wheelchair, I rarely left my room because stairs were so incredibly hard for my body tackle. I felt like I was falling apart. And I was.

Now, I live in a one-floor apartment in Athens with my lovely twin sister, but I am not better. I am happy to say that though I do not rely on my crutches or wheelchair to do simple things like making breakfast anymore since the kitchen is only a few feet from my room I still have a lot of things I have to work around to get my body to do what I need it to do. I'm stronger than I was a year ago because I'm not learning anymore, I know it all. I know that if I need to be out of bed at 9:30 then I have to wake up at 8:30 because it takes about an hour for my body to "turn on" so to speak. If I wake up and jump out of bed I almost always immediately collapse or dislocate something. I have to give my body time to wake up too; I have to assess how it's doing so I can plan accordingly.

"Okay, my knees are killer today so that means braces."
"I have a migraine already, close my eyes again and drink some coffee when I get up."
*standing up* "my vision is spotty already I should probably be careful when standing today."



I have to look at my body like a job now and while it is extremely tiring to have to see your body as something separate from yourself, it has made me stronger. I know what I can and can't handle now. I know that sometimes walking is fine, but I need to be prepared for the crash later. I have also learned that if I start to feel dizzy or floaty then I need to sit down ASAP, I faint regularly now and doing so in the sock aisle of a Target is not necessarily my favorite thing to do.
My wheelchair has made its way into my life as something I love very deeply, but it's also caused a lot of trouble for me. The world is sadly a lot more inaccessible than it would have you believe and it means I can't always go to the place I need to go to if I'm feeling crummy.

But! The whole point of this post is to say that I am stronger. These obstacles, while many, are ones that I am learning to face every day. They help me grow and teach me more about myself and the thins that God has in store for me. He has provided again and again in my life. I have a family that loves me, friends, that support me, and a boyfriend that understands it all. Not only that but there is an entire online community of people who are going through the same things I am and I have found comfort and strength in them as well.

I am having the worst pain I have ever had, the most subluxations and dislocations, the most fainting and migraines, but I know them now. They are not strangers without names, but lessons and tools that have allowed me to become the person I am and the person I know God wants me to be.
So, to everyone asking if I'm better- the answer is no, but I am so much stronger than I ever have been and honestly that makes this whole situation better.

Truly,
 Abby


https://youtube.com/abbysams
https://instagram.com/abby_sams

Comments

  1. Beautifully put. God is going to use this for his glory, and you choosing to tackle it without fear is for His glory. We might not know why we go through difficulties on this side, but this isn't everything. We have bodies that can run forever on the other side!!

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